Do you need a sleep divorce? Pros, cons and how to make it work

Published November 2025 | 5 min read
Expert contributor: Dr Maria-Elena Lukeides, psychologist
Words by Trudie McConnochie

If sharing a bed with your partner is ruining your sleep quality, you might benefit from a ‘sleep divorce’. Discover the pros and cons, and how to go about it.

Moving in with your partner is usually a time of great happiness, but joy quickly turned to dismay for Jennifer, 59, when she found herself severely sleep deprived.

While she knew her now-husband Fraser was an “epic snorer”, it was only when they moved in together that his snoring began to take a serious toll on her wellbeing. Compounding the problem, Fraser went to bed early and got up at around 4.30am for work, which didn’t align with Jennifer’s sleep schedule. After just a week, with Jennifer struggling to function and Fraser’s sleep also affected due to anxiety about his snoring, the couple decided to try sleeping in separate rooms – an arrangement that’s sometimes known as a ‘sleep divorce’.

“I was upset because my boyfriend had moved into my house, and I just assumed we would share a bed and a bedroom. However, the sleep deprivation was crippling, so the idea of sharing a bedroom didn’t match the reality of what we were experiencing,” says Jennifer.

At first, Jennifer and Fraser agreed to sleep separately during the week and share a bed on weekends, but soon realised their sleep quality and relationship were better when they slept apart permanently. But while a sleep divorce felt right for them – and a 2025 global sleep study reveals 18% of couples sleep in separate rooms – some people around them were judgemental.

“There were some people who said, ‘Well, how’s the relationship going to work if you’re not sharing a bed?’” says Jennifer. “But we knew that we were madly in love and wanted to be together, so neither of us saw it as a statement on our relationship. We knew it was the right thing for us, and we wouldn’t be together if we didn’t do it.”

Other people were concerned it would destroy intimacy, but Jennifer – who has interviewed hundreds of sleep-divorced couples for her book A Sleep Divorce: How to Sleep Apart, Not Fall Apart – says this is a common misconception.

“The sex remained the same, as it does with most couples who sleep separately. Just because you sleep in a separate bed doesn’t mean you can’t have sex anymore,” says Jennifer, who’s now been married to Fraser for 17 years.

Why do couples get a sleep divorce?

Sydney psychologist Dr Maria-Elena Lukeides says a renewed focus on wellbeing and sleep quality is partly responsible for the growing interest in sleep divorce. Two in three Australians report experiencing at least one sleep problem, like inadequate sleep, waking frequently and taking too long to fall asleep.

“If you think about the rise of technologies that are monitoring our sleep, I think it’s a no-brainer that we’re potentially starting to prioritise quality sleep over sleeping next to our partners,” says Dr Lukeides.

She says couples might choose a sleep divorce because they have:

• different body clocks, e.g. one person is a night owl
• conflicting work schedules, e.g. shift workers
• sleep behaviours that keep the other person awake, e.g. sleep talking, twitching legs or snoring
• a sleep disorder, e.g. insomnia or sleep apnoea
• a baby or toddler who wakes frequently
• different temperature preferences
• a desire for each person to have their own space.

The benefits of a sleep divorce

Research on sleep divorce is thin, but a study by the Sleep Foundation in the US found 53% of those who tried sleeping separately experienced better sleep quality. This is a huge advantage, given the negative impacts of sleep deprivation can include increased risk of heart disease, obesity and depression. Inadequate sleep can also affect your ability to regulate emotions, which has the potential to impact your relationships, with a 2023 study suggesting poor sleep can lead to relationship dissatisfaction.

“For people who continue to sleep in their bed with a disruptive partner for the sake of the relationship, the irony is you’re probably doing a bit of damage to the relationship, because you’re going to suffer from sleep deprivation,” Jennifer points out. “That is not a good space to be for your relationship – resentment builds up.”

As well as the health benefits from better sleep, a sleep divorce could strengthen your relationship, as it did for Jennifer and Fraser.

“We both feel that we’re listening to the other person and hearing what their needs are,” Jennifer says. “And we like having a bit of space to ourselves, and the ability to have our room physically the way we want it. When we come back together, we’re coming back as the best versions of ourselves.”

Should you try a sleep divorce?

If you don’t sleep well in the same bed as your partner, Dr Lukeides says there are lots of steps to consider before getting separate beds. She encourages couples to look at the reasons for poor sleep and find ways to manage those first. If snoring’s the issue, for example, try ear plugs and have the snoring partner visit a GP to investigate sleep apnoea.

“If it’s a heat issue, maybe have two single doonas on the bed, so one might be heavier and the other a lighter doona that you can kick off without affecting the other partner,” she suggests.

Other things to try include a white noise machine to block out disruptive sounds, or adjustable beds with split bases that allow each partner to control their side of the bed. You could also investigate your sleep challenges with a tracking tool. Eligible HCF members^* can get a free 12-month subscription to the Sleepfit app, which can help you identify sleep issues, recommend improvements and give you access to personalised tools.

If you opt for a sleep divorce, Dr Lukeides recommends a trial run to see whether it improves your sleep. She also suggests the following tips.

• Broach the conversation with your partner carefully: Reassure them that separate sleeping arrangements are only for the sake of good sleep. “If it’s seen as a romantic rejection by one of the parties in that relationship, where the sleep divorce is seen as more about the quality of the relationship and sexual attraction, that can then lead to growing distance between the couple.”
• Create cosy spaces: If you don’t have a spare room, consider getting twin beds, a sofa bed or a mattress that slides under furniture and can easily be converted into a comfortable bed.
• Practise sleep hygiene: Go to bed at the same time and wake at the same time every day (even weekends). Put down your phone at least an hour before bed, and get some sunlight during the day.
• Schedule time for sexual and non-sexual intimacy: “For some couples, the only kind of physical affection they may get is while they’re sleeping side by side, and that’s a really important aspect of feeling bonded and close,” says Dr Lukeides. “It might be about lying down together on a Sunday morning, so you’re still getting that physical touch and that pillow talk, and opening up to your partner.”

If you’re having trouble resolving issues around sleeping arrangements, or your sleep issues are part of a bigger relationship problem, consider relationship counselling to get advice and support. To check-in on your mental health throughout the process, eligible members can book a free annual HealthyMinds Check-in delivered online by registered psychologists, with appointments available up to 21 hours a day^{^}.

Get personalised sleep support

If you’re not getting enough good-quality sleep, or simply want to build better sleep habits, small changes can have a big impact. Thanks to our partnership with Sleepfit Solutions, eligible HCF members^* can get a free 12-month subscription to the Sleepfit app, designed to improve sleep and overall wellbeing.