A guide to building friendship and connection for men

Published July 2025 | 5 min read
Expert contributors: Associate Professor Tim Moss, Health Content Manager, Healthy Male; Jocelyn Brewer, psychologist
Words by Carrie Hutchinson

For many men, finding and maintaining social connections can be a challenge. Here’s why – plus tips for meeting new people and prioritising friendship.

By the time he arrived in Sydney in 2011, Stephen had already moved cities numerous times – from his hometown of Toronto to Atlanta, Boston, New York City and Los Angeles. He’d married an Australian woman and they had two daughters, one with special needs. Circumstances changed soon after getting here. He broke up with his partner and began co-parenting the girls, but it was the location that proved most difficult.

“I felt like what I was sold about Australia was this relaxed, easy-going, surfy village in the South Pacific,” says Stephen. “And when I got here, I found it to be the opposite. Surprisingly opposite.”

As well as finding locals busy and far from relaxed, he struggled with guiding his daughter with special needs through the healthcare system.

“From my experience, if you said anything against the grain, you found yourself quite alone, quite quickly,” he says. “Nobody wanted to hear what it was really like for somebody with a disability. Nobody wanted to hear there were struggles.”

How changing circumstances can lead to loneliness

Now 47, Stephen falls into the group of men who most commonly experience loneliness, according to Associate Professor Tim Moss from Healthy Male.

“A few years ago, we did a survey of a representative group of Australian men, and we found that one in four men aged 35 to 49 has a severe level of loneliness,” he says. That’s much higher than the overall average of around 16% for men of all ages.

“It’s the age when men are becoming fathers. Many of them will be changing their financial situation because perhaps their partners who worked full-time have pulled back on that, or they may have pulled back on full-time employment to accommodate family. They likely have shifting priorities about how they spend their personal time. It also tends to be a time when men are accelerating their careers, so they may be sacrificing some of their friend time for work time as well.”

How loneliness affects men’s mental health and physical wellbeing

Psychologist Jocelyn Brewer says while solitude can be useful at times, overall loneliness has increasingly been shown to have a negative impact on our physical and mental health.

“The thing about loneliness is that it’s multi-dimensional; we experience it differently, but it’s generally characterised by lack of meaningful friendships,” she says.

Social connection is good for our health, Jocelyn adds. “It makes sense that having a close group of friends – at any age – makes us happier, less stressed and, therefore, healthier.”

Assoc Prof Moss, who’s been involved with yet-to-be-published research on the connection between loneliness and men’s health, says men with a high level of loneliness are less likely to have strong preventive health beliefs. “They’re much less likely to consider things like going to have an annual check-up as important,” he says.

This tracks with the findings of Curtin University study Stronger Together: Loneliness and social connectedness in Australia. Men who are often lonely, particularly older ones, report poorer health than those who aren’t often lonely. Other studies show social isolation can also lead people to adopt unhealthy behaviours, like smoking and drinking more alcohol.

Far stronger than the connection between loneliness and poor physical health, according to the authors of Stronger Together, is the association between loneliness and poor mental health. More than 50% of men aged 44 and younger who often felt lonely reported high to very high levels of psychological distress.

If you feel like loneliness is taking a toll on your mental health, eligible HCF members* can get a free annual HealthyMinds Check-in. This is a one-on-one chat with a psychologist, who can offer tailored support and, depending on your needs, direct you to your GP for a mental health treatment plan and Medicare-subsidised sessions or appropriate support programs and resources.

Finding friendship through sport and work

For Stephen, who runs his own business, friendships began to form when he started playing beach volleyball and tennis.

“I met a couple of people that then expanded my network, but other than one or two, it’s all pretty surface level,” he says. For the past six months, he’s been in a relationship and he and his partner have been bringing together people they know.

“We went out on a fantastic night with a couple of people – one I work with and one she works with and their partners – and it was fun, but there’s no talk of doing it again. I think it’s the trickiness of slotting something in.

“I’m also pretty busy as a parent. I just can’t sit in the pub for hours.”

How to make friends

It’s no surprise men generally don’t make friends as easily as women. “We’re still in a world that rewards strength and stoicism and independence in males, so maintaining that and not appearing vulnerable is important to many men,” says Assoc Prof Moss, who encourages making the first move.

“Just introduce yourself,” he advises. “That also works at combating loneliness, because you are making a connection with another person – even if it’s just an introduction, even if it’s just a conversation with the person at the checkout. All these interactions with other humans help to reduce feelings of vulnerability and loneliness.”

Stephen admits to still occasionally feeling lonely and is keen to find a few more groups to join. “Sports groups have been good,” he says, “especially tennis, because it’s either played by two people or four people.

“Having an activity is what gives you purpose to join something, and I’d love to do more of that.”

Join groups to meet new people

There are lots of ways to put yourself out there and meet like-minded people: going to the gym, joining a group through a platform like Meetup and volunteering. There are also groups designed to help bring people together. Here are a few with nationwide reach.

• Australian Men’s Shed Association: This update of the backyard shed sees men working together on projects, teaching younger men traditional skills or just sitting back and having a cuppa. There are more than 1,200 sheds around Australia (including some women’s sheds and community sheds).
• Tough Guy Book Club: Regional and city chapters meet on the first Wednesday of every month to discuss the book they’ve all been reading. Meetings take place at a local pub, but there’s no pressure to drink (or read the book).
• When No One’s Watching (WNOW): Every Wednesday at 6am, members of WNOW get together to exercise before sitting down for a coffee and a chat.
• Drive Against Depression: Open to men and women, this group organises regular motoring-themed events, including group drives, to encourage conversation and connection.
• The Men’s Table: These groups, located across the country, gather eight to 12 men together to have dinner once a month and talk about their lives.
• We’ve Got Your Back: This program supports communities in Far West NSW by training local 'Champions' – graziers and residents who have experience with mental health challenges or strong coping skills. They engage in confidential, supportive conversations with community members, help connect people to local services and advocate for those facing drought and the challenges of remote living.

You can also Google ‘men’s mental health organisations’ and your location to find local services, like Geelong’s Right Mate. Alternatively, call MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78 for 24/7 telephone counselling support.

A little extra support

Loneliness and a lack of social support can have a negative impact on your mental health. If you’re worried about your wellbeing, eligible members can get a free annual HealthyMinds Check-in: a telehealth consultation with a psychologist, who’ll discuss your concerns and connect you with the appropriate support tailored to your needs^*.